Hibernia Diner, a mini-review

Everything this man touches turnes to crap, seriously. Everything from small Caribbean nations to sandwiches. Why do we invoke el Fidel himself? Enter the Hibernia Diner, located at 9 Green Pond Road, Rockaway, NJ.


This is a popular trucker's diner for its location directly off route 80 and its 24 hours of operation. Also popular for the local youth of Rockaway and Denville. We visited this diner long before DM existed (like 2 months, man) and it turned out to be not the best experience.

It has your typical modern layout, nothing to write home about there. We were seated at the dining area and proceeded to read the menu. I noticed they offered a Cuban sandwich. Having fond memories of Cuban sandwiches my stepmother brought back for me from Bloomfield, I was tempted to try it, despite being unusual diner fare.

Our food came pretty quick. Perhaps a little too quick. We both chowed down on our respective dishes. My Cuban sandwich was actually pretty good - I wolfed it down pretty quickly.

It was pretty uneventful from that point. I think I remember it being somewhat expensive, but most 24-hour diners are. All was normal, until the next morning.

I awoke at 7:00am the next morning, for what seemed like no particular reason, until I got that feeling: I'm going to fucking throw up everywhere. I made it to the bathroom at least, but 40 years of struggle against capitalist pigs exited my digestive tract at that point. I was sick the rest of the day, and had to call out of work.

As much as I'd like to give Hibernia a negative rating, we did have an okay time there, and the service was pretty good. Hibernia gets 1/5 Munchies.

Munchies!

Double S Diner

154 State Rt 23 Sussex, NJ 07461
http://doublesdiner.com/

I cannot stress how charming this diner is. Do not go to this diner if you're expecting the chain restaurant experience that is in most modern diners (Chester Hills Diner) or the over-the-top-trying-too-hard-neon-lights-everywhere diner experience (Tick Tock Diner). No, this diner is just that, a diner. It's homey, it's cute, it's quaint. Even the bathroom has the feel as if you're walking into the half-bath of a friend's house- if it wasn't for the automatic paper towel dispenser and lack of bath tub it wouldn't've been any different from my bathroom.

Everyone seemed to know each other, and even though the diner was filled with community chatter I could easily hear the 50s classics filtering through the speakers.

Instead of filling up the small converted train car with neon lights, making it feel more like a disco than a diner, the walls are plastered with actual vintage material. Everything from clocks in the shape of Miss Marilyn Monroe, movie posters featuring The King himself, even the table tops of the booths are painted with black and white portraits of stars from the Era- the one behind us had Lucile Ball and I think we had our plates on James Dean's face.

They even had decor with function: beside each booth by the "bar" area is a long pole with hooks to hang your jackets. And just to prove that this Diner wasn't stuck in the 50's, they had a small flat screen T.V. at the end of the bar playing the local news.

And the service was wonderful. We were allowed to seat ourselves, and even waitresses who weren't "assigned" to our table came up with a smile asking if everything was to our liking.

The only issue we had was that there was some miscommunication on the menu. The prices were reasonable- hell, they were cheap compared to most of our diner experiences - and the quantity and quality for what you paid was most definitely worth it. But my better half was a bit disappointed with his order.

What we got:

- One plate of "chunky monkey" pancakes (bananas and chocolate chips in three, dinner plate-sized, griddle-fresh pancakes)
- One plate of strawberry pancakes.

Now, usually when we order strawberry pancakes, or pancakes with strawberries, they are served with fresh strawberries either on the side or cooked into the batter of the pancake. Both are accepted as normal. These strawberry pancakes were more like the ones seen at IHOP, doused with a type of strawberry syrup with soggy, jelly soaked strawberries. Though my partner said it was no where near as disgustingly sweet as IHOP's strawberry syrup-soaked pancakes were, and the consistency of the "syrup" was closer to jelly and wasn't as sticky, I could still see the disappointment on his face. He enjoyed them, but would have enjoyed them more if they were "normal" strawberry pancakes.

Despite this set back we both enjoyed our pancakes, nearly clearing our plates- which is hard to do considering the size of the three massive pancakes.

All in all, the Double S Diner was wonderful and is worth the trip down 23. The food is fantastic, the atmosphere charming, and the service top notch. Just make sure you ask about their pancakes before you order.


4.5/5 Munchies

Chester Diner

(formerly known as the Chester Hills diner, under new ownership)
65 U.S. Highway 206, Chester Borough, NJ

This diner was recommended to me by my father, who passes by it on a daily basis. Diner Monster decided it was worth checking out.

It's pretty large for a diner, yet still easy to miss blowing down 206 at 45mph. We went inside and were seated promptly, in the formal dining area. (most modern Jersey diners have this layout of a dining room and a "classic" section where the counter and booths are. We prefer the latter.)

The air conditioning was turned up a bit too high, causing our visit to be a tad chilly. I ordered a BLT sandwich and my partner in crime ordered an egg and cheese sandwich. We also got a side of mozzarella cheese fries. Our waitress was friendly, moreso than the average diner waitress.

The wait was average, about 15 minutes. The BLT sandwich was good - the bacon was nice and chewy, not burnt to a crisp. My partner got her egg sandwich on toast this time (usually round roll is the only option), and it was a little burnt. Not a huge deal.

The cheese fries. They were covered in cheese, but as usual, only the top layer was covered. We've come to accept this as routine. There was enough left over on the sides to make it palatable. Mozzarella cheese is a good pick since it permeates the pile of fries better than say, American.

As for the drinks, I just had diet cola and my partner had her usual water. Interesting to note is that, unlike every other diner on the planet, this diner does not carry Pepsi or Coke. It appeared from a glance at the soda fountain that they only had Canada Dry products. So your choices are RC Cola, Diet Rite, etc. Cheap bastards. At least they had free refills.

The bill came out to $16 with tax, not terrible.

We may visit Chester again if we're in the area. There is a noticeable lack of diners in this somewhat rural area of Jersey. Actually, there's a notable lack of everything, but that's country life for you.


3.5/5 Munchies.

Andover Diner

193 Main St, Andover, NJ 07821

This Diner is one of the few that has been AMAZING every time we've traveled there. From waffles, to calamari, this Diner makes everything a Diner should and makes it well. Not only do they have fantastic food, but everything is at a reasonable price.

The first time my partner and I went there we ordered simple:

1 Waffle
1 Burger

The food literally came out five minutes after we ordered, which was odd but exciting at the same time considering how hungry we were. The waffles were so good there I actually got them on out second visit. Light, and fluffy on the inside, with a nice flaky outside. It was everything a waffle should be.

The hamburger was a hamburger, not much to write home about. It was cooked to order for once (I asked for it to be cooked "medium", and that's what I got). Came with lettuce, tomato, and mandatory fries (off topic rant: at many diners, if you want lettuce and tomato for your burger, you must order the "deluxe", which includes LT and French Fries. can't get just lettuce and tomato, impossible). Decently seasoned.

The staff has been more than pleasant every time we've been there as well. The first time our waitress even stopped and struck up a conversation with us over a piece of jewelry I was wearing.

Other items that have been ordered from this Diner include:

• Fried calamari
• 1 Gyro
• 1 Omelet
• A plate of mozzarella sticks

All have been wonderful and promptly brought out to us after we've ordered. The diner is tiny and closes early depending on the day and season (we've seen it closed before 7pm in the winter), but definitely worth checking out. It even has that old school diner feel, complete with a large mural of Elvis, James Dean, and Marilyn Monroe playing pool in the larger dining area. Lots of chrome accents too.

Finale rating, for all three combined visits:
5/5 Munchies

UPDATE - 8/15/09: We went to this diner again last night, but it wasn't as good as it's been in the past. The service from the waitstaff was still great, but the food was very slow to come out. We had ordered just a burger and a waffle, and we saw people who came in at the same time as us being served chicken parmesean and other complex dishes.

When we finally got our food, the waffle was fine, but the burger was way overdone. I had asked for "medium", and I got "destroyed". It was beyond well done, the edges were black and crunchy. It was still edible, but just barely. Another few minutes on the grill and there would have been nothing left of the burger.
For the above reasons we are revoking a Munchie. Andover is now only 4/5 Munchies.

Budd Lake Diner

Reviving Diner Monster from the dead one more time with another unfortunate review.


120 Us Highway 46, Budd Lake, NJ

You won’t be missing much if you drive past this dank little diner on 46. I don’t understand how this dark little hole can afford to stay open twenty-four hours; perhaps because it’s the only thing open in this area after ten, besides the nearby Quick Check, and you can only have Quick Check sandwiches so many times a week before getting sick of them.

Our waitress was detached and unenthusiastic, she seemed like she just wanted to get our order and get the hell out of there. Too bad we didn’t know what we wanted right off the bat.

When we finally did order I got an egg salad sandwich and my other half got a hamburger, as those things seemed to be the cheapest things on the menu.

Considering that’s all we ordered, you’d figure it would come out relatively quickly, right? Wrong. Three other tables were seated, their orders taken, and their similarly tiny meals served before our food came out, without reason or apology for the delay.

My egg salad sandwich was so fatty I could feel the cholesterol slither into my veins before I swallowed my first bite. Honestly, I felt like taking a ten mile jog when I got home, but settled for a brisk late night walk considering it was still chilly when we traveled to this diner.

My other half said his burger was okay, but how badly can you screw up a burger?

Their one redeeming quality was that the bill was not outrageous and because our experience wasn’t fantastic we didn’t have to leave much of a tip. So cheap diner goers who aren’t looking for much other than a bite to eat, this is for you.

Between the dark lighting, surly staff, and over all poor food and presentation, I don’t think we’ll be making this one of our usual haunts. Final Munchie Rating: two out of five.

Tick-Tock Diner

281 Allwood Road, Clifton NJ 07012 http://www.tictockdiner.com/

Before we get into this review, I have a little PSA to share with you all:



Every diner this man touches turns to crap. Seriously. After dining at several diners reviewed on "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" on the Food Network, we have identified the "Guy Fieri Effect". It causes two things to happen to a diner:

1. Quality of food goes down
2. Prices go up

This was observed at the Tick-Tock, a legendary diner in eastern New Jersey. Built in 1948, it has served legions of bored youth coming home to Jersey after a night in NYC. After having observed the Fieri Effect at the Jefferson Diner (which will come in a later review), we decided to test our theory at the Tick-Tock.


The Tick-Tock is a medium sized-diner, built in the Art Deco style. Like most Jersey diners, it features a section with booths and a bar area for single folks. The official street address is Allwood Road in Clifton, but you can also access it from Route 3 on the westbound side.

We came in and were seated within 15 seconds. Our booth was coincidentally across from a large poster of Guy Fieri, signed by him:

"Tick-Tock.
One of the best diners on the tour
Tick-Tock Rocks!"

It was a sign.

Okay, it wasn't that bad, but there were some minor snafus. I was looking at the burgers, having had too many pancake dinners lately. I ended up ordering the "Black Jack Burger", featuring "Cajun spices, jack cheese, grilled onions, and French fries". I made an attempt to order it without fries, trying to save a little dough, but this was not possible. The waitress was kind enough to suggest alternatives such as peas, green beans, and Brussels sprouts (?!) but I assured her I was just trying to cheap out on her.

Moving on to the other half of DM, she ordered a French Toast plate (can't find it on the menu now), but the menu listing looked kinda like this

Stuffed French Toast
Bananas, Strawberries Whipped Cream, etc....

She had thought you could choose which thing you wanted it stuffed with, but the waitress told us, "Oh, it has bananas and strawberries", so she said "okay" and ordered it.

The food took a while, about 25 minutes. The diner wasn't busy around dinnertime on a Friday, and I would expect a little faster service from a diner which is used to being very busy on typical weekend nights.

My burger came out first (dock one point for not bringing the dishes together). The presentation was OK, and everything was as advertised. It tasted pretty much like any other diner burger, not quite worth the $7.95 premium IMO. The fries were good though, they were actual steak fries instead of the shoestring variety. Another surprise: the ketchup bottle actually dispensed ketchup easily! No "knife trick" required.

As for the stuffed french toast, this was also a surprise. It turns out that all of the things listed on the menu as supposed choices were all thrown together for this dish. It ended up being more of a dessert, covered in chocolate syrup and ice cream. DM reviewess #2 wasn't too happy about this, proclaiming "This is not breakfast!". It was supposedly pretty good, but not exactly a well-balanced meal.

With drinks (just a diet Coke) we spent about $21. Not too terrible.

Tick-Tock gets 2.5/5 Munchies for having a misleading menu, crappy prices and mediocre food. Tick tock needs to stop worrying about the aesthetics and go back to the fundamentals of a diner: cheap, good food without the frilly packaging.

Rating:

Rockaway Diner

So, after not updating in ages I'm sure what few "loyal readers" we had are gone, but here's my chance to earn some new ones.

Rockaway Diner 116 Route 46, Rockaway, NJ

This one's an oldie but goody. The only Diner both me and my awesome partner have been to for breakfast during a reasonable breakfast time and not eleven o' clock at night. And let me tell you Breakfast really is the thing to get here. The Wait staff after nine though really can't be beat. We've had this waiter on previous occasions, and every time is a new experience. We once spent about an hour talking about Speed Racer, can't get any better than that.

This is definitely a Diner goers' Diner. It doesn't try to mimic a restaurant or look all fancy and pretentious. It's a Diner, what you see is what you get. It's a little grungy and a great place to hang out with friends, but not for a formal family function or a romantic meal for two. And it's actually twenty-four hours, unlike most of New Jersey's more "popular" Diners.
We had invited a third comrade to join us, which made the trip that much better. Our order:

1 egg sandwich

1 full stack of pancakes

1 full stack of chocolate chip pancakes

Yeah, I had gotten an egg sandwich on the last Diner we went to, but the Rockaway Diner has my favourite egg sandwich. Roll is both fluffy and crunchy, and the eggs are never runny or over done. It's just great. And it's a cheap source of protein for the vegetarian Diner patron. Cheaper than the vegiburger and definitely more delicious.

As for the pancakes I hear tell they're pretty good. They always come with a ton of syrup and butter for each stack. I'm talking diabetes inducing artery clogging proportions of syrup and butter.

They look small too, but they're filling. I think it's because they're thicker than your average pancake, fluffier.

Every time my partner in crime orders them he gets full half way through. Which is a pretty good deal. The full stack is only a dollar more than the regular stack. 5.oo, if I remember correctly. Which is good for pancakes. Especially ones this filling.

Our third cohort got the same thing but with chocolate chips. Now that looked good.

Another friend showed up and we wound getting desert. Everyone except my partner who was contented with his pancakes.

1 slice of cheese cake
1 slice of chocolate cake
1 carrot cake with a coffee

It was wonderful, and fattening, and so worth the calories. This Diner is not for dieters.

Finale rating: 4.5/5 Munchies.

Hampton Diner

36 Hampton House Road (US 206), Newton NJ 07860

The Hampton Diner is one of our usual haunts, and last night it did not disappoint. It's a big diner near a newly developed tract of land on the outskirts of Newton. It has nice decor, and is very neat and clean on the inside. The bathrooms are especially fancy, with marble walls, and handpainted art on the ceiling.

We arrived and were seated promptly in a small booth. The waiter came almost immediately to take our drink orders, which were quickly filled. She then left us for about 10 minutes, which luckily was just as long as we needed to decide what we wanted. The order:

1 "Gyro Deluxe"
1 egg and cheese sandwich

The gyro was a little on the expensive side ($7.50), and made with beef. Then again, I haven't been to a diner in years that serves authentic lamb gyro. It came with fries, at least. There was a decent amount of tzatziki sauce too, something most diners usually skimp on. Other toppings include just lettuce and tomato. They also offer a special gyro platter for $8-something which includes olives and Feta cheese and the whole works.

The egg and cheese was about $3 and came with, well, egg and cheese on a hard roll. The better half of DM told me it was pretty good.

Total with drinks (just a soda) came to $14 before tax, not too bad.


Rating: 4/5 Cyclops approve.

Cheese fries.

What is it with diners and crappy cheese fries? At every diner we've been to thus far, an order of "cheese fries" consists of a plate of french fries with 2-3 slices of Kraft singles melted on top, heated in the microwave.
By the time it arrives at your table, the cheese has mostly solidified, so the top layer of fries is covered in hard cheese, and the bottom fries get no love. Since when is this an acceptable method of preparing cheese fries?
Cheese fries should have a proper cheese sauce poured over them, which permeates the entire plate of fries to the bottom. Velveeta is acceptable. I have only been to one establishment which can make proper cheese fries, and it's not even a diner: Davy's Dogs. It is a shining example of how cheese fries should be prepared - gratuitous quantities of fries and cheese for only $2.49.
Loyal DM readers, have you patronized a diner which serves proper cheese fries? Comment us, we'll return the favor.